


Confessions

by blagamuffin



Category: Jacksepticeye (RPF), Markiplier (RPF), Septiplier - Fandom, Youtube (RPF)
Genre: M/M, Sad, Starts out sad, confession time, i'm not an expert on bdsm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 03:10:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8311753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blagamuffin/pseuds/blagamuffin
Summary: Part 4 of RippedJack feels confused by everything. Mark sheds some light to what he's feeling, but that means being completely honest now.   Part 1 RippedPart 2 Shocked out of his SystemPart 3 Lost of Control





	

**Author's Note:**

> the promised part 4 to the Ripped series  
> so sorry for the delay. but it's finally semestral break. hopefully i get to write more now.  
> wish me luck...
> 
> enjoy :)  
> 

Jack slammed the door behind him the second he got to his own room. He leaned against the hard wood door and slid to the floor. It was the first time all night he felt the solid ground beneath him. Everything before now didn’t feel real.

So many questions bombarded Jack’s head; What happened? What did Mark do to him? What did he let Mark do to him? Why? 

His heart was still pounding through his rib cage. He held himself tightly as if trying to keep all the parts of himself that threatened to explode into a million pieces. He was shivering. It was cold. It was only then that he realized he forgot his shoes. The hard wood floors did nothing for him. 

He gingerly tried to get back on his feet and walk to his bed. The sheets were still made and everything was the way he left it earlier that afternoon and it still feel like so much has changed in those few hours. But what did any of it mean?

He noticed the bedside clock inform him it was 3am. Wasn’t the latest he’s ever stayed up, but considering everything, he just wanted to crash and forget everything.

Jack slept a dreamless slumber.

***  
He woke to up to the sound of banging against his door, and muffled Swedish curse words he was a little too familiar with. He was still pretty groggy as he tried to search for his shoes only to be reminded where he had left them last night. They were the only pair he brought with him. He doesn’t really know how to explain it to Felix why he lost them.

After making up a quick story in his head about how he lost his shoes, he opens the door to the blonde shoving said shoes right in his arms.

“Wow Jack, you didn’t even drink last night and you leave your shoes out like that. Just be glad I got them before any fangirls did.” The Swede barged in shoving the sneakers to the Irishman. 

Jack held the shoes to his chest. 

They were left outside? That would mean… 

“Jesus, did you sleep in your clothes last tight? We’ve only got like 30 minutes for a quick breakfast before we go to the venue. Come on, hurry up Ken and Mark are down stairs.” Felix complained. 

The Irishman blushed at the mention of his name, a nervous giggle threatened to escape his lips. 

“What’s wrong with you man?” Felix asked, genuinely concerned. 

Jack panicked on the spot. His brain not being able to catch up and make some excuse other than their mutual friend got him off twice last night.

“You didn’t drink alone last night did you? I mean, I get you’re Irish and stuff but that’s just kinda sad.” Felix teased.

“Fuck off!” Jack cussed, glad his friend was making fun of him right now and gave him a way out. “I’ll just take a quick shower and change.” He says before going to the bathroom.

After 10 minutes the two Europeans went down to meet the two Americans at the hotel lobby. Jack was going to do his best to avoid the man starting from now on until he gets stuff sorted out in his head, but that was kinda impossible when the said man goes ahead and shoves food and coffee the second you meet.

Jack mumbles a quick thank you. Both were very welcomed treats.

“Keeeeen, where’s my breakfast?” Felix whined. 

“I ain’t your waifu!” The Southerner exclaimed in mock anger.

“Does that make Mark Jack’s waifu?” the Swede jokes.

This causes the younger man to choke on his coffee, which only made Ken and Felix laugh as they made their way out to the car waiting for them. He could feel the other American move towards him, so he side steps away clumsily.

“We should better get going. Don’t want to be late.” He said before he practically sprinted out following the other two. 

That’s basically how the whole day went. He could feel Mark near him, moving towards him, speaking to him, and Jack just found a way to move away. Jack made an effort to walk steps behind him, to sit furthest away from him and answer him in the barest of ways. It was ridiculous. 

He was sure he was gonna hear some weird rumor about them. Nothing close to what actually happened last night. But he was sure word was gonna spread that they were fighting or something. Some tweets maybe about how they aren’t friends anymore and the Septiplier ship sinking. 

Usually he’d care to comment. Not on the ship, but at least to address the tension. But usually he’d know exactly what to say to them. But right now he didn’t have a clue. He couldn’t exactly just scream out to a million fans that he needed space away from Mark coz every brain cell he seems to fry up whenever he’s near the man, or that the very thought of hearing his voice was doing things to him that’s never happened before. He couldn’t very well and say he was turning into an absolute bitch for the man.

No. He couldn’t. He wasn’t. He wasn’t going to tell them or anyone. And he wasn’t turning into a bitch for him. No. He was his own man. He wasn’t. He can’t.

The whole day was uneventful, or at least it felt that way coz nothing really registered to him except the other man. It was the most nervous Jack has ever been since his very first convention. But this time the butterflies in his stomach were for a whole different reason. No matter how exhausting the fanfare was, it was nothing to the weight he felt of the stare he could feel following him the whole day. 

Jack felt that the best course of action was to ignore it, but he felt so miserable about it. It was so tiring he decided to back out from dinner with the boys. He just couldn’t deal with the confusion at this point. He needed something, but he didn’t know what. 

There was a knock at his door.

At this point it was the end of the day, Jack was just sitting on his bed, his face buried in his hands in frustration. The only light in the room was his bedside table lamp.

“Go away!” Jack screamed in frustration. He knew he sounded like a complete asshole, but right now he just couldn’t care less.

Another knock at his door. 

“I said go away.”

Still another knock. 

Jack finally stood up and walked to open his door. 

“I said-” Jack opens the door but stops at his tracks the moment he realized who was at the other side. 

“I heard you.” the American answered. 

Mark stood there in front of Jack. He wore only jeans and a t-shirt, but he made it look good. Jack had to be blind to not stare, but he noticed something different. 

Gone was the half-Korean’s usual confidence. Gone was his playful arrogance. What stood in front of Jack was a man tired, and worried. His hair was a mess. His shoulders slumped over. And his eyes… were filled with determination. 

“What are you doing here?” Jack asked, with a little more snipe than he intended.

“I wanted to check on you.” He answered with genuine concern in his voice. 

That made Jack want to punch himself.

“I’m fine.” 

“No you’re not.”

“STOP TELLING ME WHAT I’M FEELING!”

“If you’d talk to me I wouldn’t have to guess.” 

That, oddly enough, shut Jack up. 

“Jack…” Mark said his name like it was a prayer. “Please, talk to me.” He was pleading with him. 

A part of him just wanted to slam that door into the other man’s face. A different part of him, the part of him that hurt his chest at the very thought of that, didn’t want to. Jack was stuck to just gripping the doorknob till his fingers turned white.  
“Jack…” he said his name again.

“Shut up!” Jack exclaimed as he threw his hands in the air and turned to stomp back inside his hotel room. 

He sat back on the foot of the bed. His face again buried in his hands, trying to keep his head from bursting from all the conflicting thoughts and feelings. 

Jack heard the click of the of his hotel room door followed by footsteps. He didn’t need to look up. He didn’t want to look up. He knew he’d see Mark with his sad eyes and he did not know what to say to him. 

He heard the footsteps stop in front of him. He felt Mark’s warmth but not his touch. He knew that if he looked up he’d be face to face with the other man. Jack didn’t look up. 

“Jack, breathe for me baby.” Mark asked.

“Stop telling me what to do!” Jack finally looks him up. “I’m not your bitch Mark! I’m not some dog you can collar and train to do tricks! I’m not some slut you can just tug around for a fuck whenever you want.”

Jack imagines he could have kicked Mark in the gut repeatedly and he wouldn’t look as pained as he did right now. Jack couldn’t describe it. It was shock. It was hurt. It was… his fault. 

“Is that what you really think?” Mark asked, his voice sounding close to a sob.  
Jack couldn’t speak. 

“Is that what you actually think happened last night?” Mark’s voice broke.  
Shame cut at Jack’s throat making him choke. He buried his face back in his hands. He couldn’t look at Mark. He couldn’t answer him. He just couldn’t.

He felt those strong hands on both sides of his face, urging him to lift his head back up. Reluctantly, Jack does. He looks up and meets Mark’s sad brown eyes. Jack was supposed to be angry. He was supposed to be upset. But looking into those eyes, Jack just felt so wrong. 

“Jack, be honest with me right now.” Mark spoke cautiously as if a saying a single wrong word would risk Jack bolting out of his hands. “Did you regret last night?” he asked. “Did you wish I never touched you? Or kiss you? Or… Did you wish none of it ever happened?”

Those hands held him in place so gently. Jack could easily push him away. He could have stood up and ran out right then and there. He could just go. But he couldn’t.  
He couldn’t leave Mark. He couldn’t leave Mark kneeling in an empty hotel room. He couldn’t leave his sad eyes. He couldn’t leave his soft touch. He couldn’t leave him making him think…

“No, I don’t regret it.” Jack finally admitted to Mark, and more importantly to himself. 

The emotion that seemed to build up in him seemed to crash. The wall of doubt and denial broke with his admission. He didn’t regret a second of what happened last night. 

The look relief seemed to have washed over Mark as he relaxed into comforting Jack. Jack felt those soft hands pulling them closer together. His thumbs drew caring circles against his cheeks. They were close enough for him to feel their foreheads touch. Their breath meeting, their lips so close. 

“God, I’m so sorry Jack...” Mark spoke with such pain in his voice. “I should have taken care of you. I should have been up when you woke. I shouldn’t have let you leave thinking that way. I shouldn’t have let it get that bad for you. I’m so sorry baby.” 

Mark kept whispering apologies as he began to kiss the younger man. He kissed his cheeks. He kissed his eyelids. He kissed he tip of his nose. Finally, he kissed his lips. The kiss was short and quick. It was comforting. 

“How are you feeling right now Jack?” Mark asked in concern.

“I don’t know.” Jack answered honestly, whatever need to hide from the other man seemed to disappear. “I’m still really confused. I don’t regret last night, but it still felt wrong. It felt like is should have regretted it. I shouldn’t have wanted it. I shouldn’t have wanted any of that. But I did. I… I’m sorry.” Jack’s was close to tears.  
“Jack, don’t apologize. There’s nothing to apologize for.” Mark reassured him. “It’s ok. It’s normal to feel this way. I wish I was there to help you through this. I should have been there for you. God, I’m bad at this.”

“What is this?” Jack asked finally. The more he listened to Mark, the more he felt like he knew more than he let on. 

“This… I think what you’re going through is called a ‘drop’.” Mark answered, which was not much of answer by itself to Jack. “Like a drop from a sudden height… Last night… Last night was intense… especially for you, right?” The younger man nodded in agreement. “It took a lot out of you. It was like you were taken to a big high out of no where. I felt it too. I was there with you. But after that… I should have been there to catch you. When you’re high like that, the drop can be equally as intense, and the surge of all those good feelings, can start to feel like the surge of some really shitty feelings.”

“Yeah… it was.” Jack admitted. “It felt so wrong. I felt so dirty, like I let myself be used like that, like I was exposed… like I was…”

“Vulnerable?” Mark guessed which Jack nodded to. 

“How did you know?” he asked, “Have you done this before Mark?!”

“No!” Mark exclaimed, Jack could tell he was telling the truth but he still looked guilty for something else. “I’ve never done this before. I’ve never even actually been with a guy before. This is all new to me too… but…”

“But what?” Jack asked cautiously. 

“I started this.” he answered with a sad sigh. “I started this even before Skype.”  
“What?! You fucking planned this all along?!” Jack exclaimed as he pushed himself away from Mark.

“Yes, I did.” Mark answered guiltily, the Jack could tell he wanted to reach for him, but stopped himself. “I’m sorry Jack, but please hear me out… Just listen to me, please... I promise. Let me tell you everything and if you… if you want me to leave after, then I leave. But please just let me explain.”

Jack kept himself at a distance, seated on the bed as Mark stayed at the very foot of it. There was guilt and fear in his eyes, Mark looked so scared he might leave him. He could. Given what Mark had just said, he could just up and leave. But he wanted to know. He needed to know.

He nodded for Mark to explain himself. The older man kept kneeling, keeping a distance form the younger man. 

“You posted a video after the PAX, our first convention. You remember that? You talked about seeing everything and meeting everyone and even meeting me… and I could tell you were happy. But, you said stuff about being liked and accepted and wanting to let me know how much I appreciate you. You care so much Jack. You care so much and I love that about you.”

“But there was something else… You cared so much. Too much even. It was like you could never believe in anything. You couldn’t believe that people like you, that we liked you, that I… I liked you. It’s like nothing could reassure you enough or something…”

Jack blushed embarrassingly and was about to speak-

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. Don’t ever…” Mark cut him off. “You’re a pleaser Jack. You love pleasing others. You love making other people happy, and you never feel like you do enough. Like you’re never enough or something… and I fucking hate that. I wanted to change that, but I couldn’t figure it out.”

“That’s when I realized; it’s a part of you… There’s a part of you that feels the need to care for others… to please others. Most importantly, you like knowing you’ve pleased others. And when you feel like you haven’t done that you get into this rut you can’t seem to get out of… Like you have to make it right but you don’t know how. Like a knot in your stomach you can’t untangle… Am I right?” Mark asked cautiously, his words came unsure and just tumbled out of him like he was still putting together a huge jigsaw puzzle that was Jack. 

“Even worse, I see notice when you’re so unsure of yourself. It’s the complete opposite of who you are. You want to speak up and ask and make sure everything is ok, but you shut yourself up thinking you’re just paranoid and don’t want to be a bother or something. You absolutely hate being a bother to anyone. You just get quiet and… like you climb into a shell or something. I hate when that happens.” 

Jack listened and felt like the very thoughts of his head were just laid out bear hearing them come from someone else. Was he always that obvious? Was he really that needy? Fuck, the whole year knowing Mark seemed to have passed through his eyes trying to pinpoint those moments when that side of him, which he tried to always hide, actually appeared. A side he’d never really liked about himself, and never wanted anyone else to really see. And here was Mark seeing it all of it in plain sight.

“Jack, breath. Breath for me baby.” Mark spoke in a commanding but soft tone.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. I’m not judging you. I would never judge you.” Mark’s hands seemed to tremble as he gripped the bed sheets. “Jack, may I hold you?”

Jack didn’t even realize he had nodded until Mark slowly climbed into bed next to him. He felt the other man’s strong arms wrap around him as he pulled him up to recline against the headboard. Mark’s embrace felt like they were the only things holding him together at this point. 

“Jack, you’re safe with me. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect. Absolutely perfect.” The older man’s deep voice whispered comforting words.  
“How did you?- Was I that obvious?” Jack asked, worry in his voice as he spoke into the crook of Mark’s neck.

“No. No. Just… I felt like it always bothered you and you never got what you needed… You’re so strong Jack, and hard working. You don’t bother to take care of yourself. So.. I wanted to. Selfishly, I wanted to take care of you.” Mark explained as he ran his fingers through his green hair, down to his nape. 

“And skype?” Jack asked, as he lifted his head and looked at the other man in the eye. 

Mark looked away and bit his lip in shame. “I still wasn’t sure then. It’s kind of a giant leap to make, so I… I wanted to… testmytheory...” he mumbled the last words but Jack heard them loud and clear. 

Jack made the move to get out of bed.

“I’m sorry…” Mark said, for the hundredth time tonight with guilt that made it sound like that was still not enough. “I shouldn’t have tricked you. I shouldn’t have lied. I should have been honest… it’s just…”

“What Mark? What?!” Jack exclaimed.

“You would have never been honest with me.” Mark spoke in a defeated voice.  
Jack opened his mouth, then closed it back again. Whatever words he thought he had to defend himself weren’t actually there. 

Mark carefully took Jack’s hand in his own. The older man kept his eyes low.  
“Jack, I screwed up and I betrayed the trust you had in me… If you can never forgive me, if you could never trust me again, if you never wanna see me again…” His voice broke with sincere regret and sadness. “I’ll respect that.”

“But please, if you take anything from this, don’t let it be that there’s something wrong with you… It was me. I screwed up. I did. Not you. Never you…” his voice grew a little stronger as he finally mustered up the courage to look him in the eyes. “You’re amazing Jack… just the way you are; the way you care. The way you work. The way you strive to be better. The way you put everyone else’s needs first before your own… you’re remarkable to me. Please… don’t let my screw up ever make you question that. Please…” his voice broke at the very end. 

Mark’s eyes were a sad brown at this point. Jack could see the tears brimming at the edges. All the pain, all the regret, it was showing in his face. It broke Jack’s heart.

He should be angry. He should be furious being manipulated like that. He should… but he felt none of that as he looked at Mark’s face. 

Jack leaned into Mark’s space. He touched his forehead to his. The crease on the other man’s brow eased for a moment as he closed his brown eyes. He even whimpered at the slight touch. He bumped their noses together almost playfully, which got a sad little smile from the American. But that wasn’t good enough for Jack.

Jack kissed him. He closed a gap of just about a couple of inches away from each other and made it feel like he crossed the damn ocean for it. He felt Mark sigh in relief. It was a brief kiss, short press of lips, but it felt like the crack in the wall that let the warm sunshine in. It still confused Jack, but knew it felt right. 

They parted, and Jack was awestruck by how Mark was looking at him right at that moment. Mark’s brown eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. Mark looked at him like he had just given him the world, like he hung up the moon and stars in the sky, just from that little kiss. Jack felt almost dwarfed at such devotion aimed towards him. He didn’t know what to do.

“Jack?” Mark spoke in a low voice. “Can I… I mean… Will you…” he was having a hard time choosing his words, Jack was going more and more concerned for the other man. “Would you let me take care of you?” he asked cautiously. “Tonight. I want to take care of you tonight. Properly, this time.”

Jack was confused at first until he realized what the older man was asking from him. 

“You don’t have to. You really don’t. I can’t blame you if you never want me to ever again-”

Jack kissed him again. A bit more forcefully this time and it successfully stopped the American from rambling all his fears. They parted again, and again Jack saw the wonder in Mark’s eyes and couldn’t believe he caused that.

“Mark?”

“Yes, Jack?”

“Take care of me…”

**Author's Note:**

> there will be a part 5 which will have the smut... sorry to end on a cliffhanger... but was really agonizing how to end this. will get part 5 up as soon as finished


End file.
